From Parker Posey's panto baddie to the drunken nostril-fixated camerawork, Grace of Monaco is shaping up to go down as one of the worst films to ever play at the Cannes film festival.
But hold your horses. The grand stinker is a staple of the festival, and there's little the crowds like to do more than boo their way through the end credits of a much-anticipated movie, whether it deserves it or not.
So how does Gracie stand up when stood next to other turkeys to have been roasted in the Riviera sun?
The Brown Bunny (2003)
A soundtrack of chairs flipping and critics huffing accompanied the world premiere of Vincent Gallo's fantastically dull and self-indulgent road trip – and that was before the 10-minute non-simulated fellatio scene with Chloe Sevigny. Peter Bradshaw was among the scoffers, but was kinder with hindsight, writing in 2010: "If it failed in a big way, that's because it aimed for something big."
Fourteen years ago, All Saints hitched up their cargo pants and hi-tailed it to Cannes to premiere their movie debut, directed by noted auteur Dave Stewart, formerly of the Eurythmics. Here's what Peter said about it at the time:
Honest is set in 1968, and All Saints play three working-class East End girls, statuesque exquisites who have evidently had miraculous access to 21st-century diet, grooming, maquillage and gym regimen. Adorably feisty at all times, they do robberies - dressed as men! They apply male whiskers to their chins (from barbers'-shop floors?) and having laboriously done this, they wear masks. Who will ever know why?
And now … Ladies and Gentlemen … (2002)
Those fortunate enough to stay through to closing night at the 2002 festival were rewarded with this glamorous romance starring Jeremy Irons as a devastating jewel thief. Peter was especially thrilled, calling it a "so-bad-it's-good masterpiece".
It reeks with tacky ersatz sophistication, abject product placement, reactionary politics and outrageous attempts at comedy such as making Irons a master of disguise, at one stage having him dress up to resemble Dr Evadne Hinge. If you get a chance to see this movie, do - it's the unintentional comedy of the year.
Jimmy P: Psychotherapy of a Plains Indian (2012)
Those subjected to this last year still wake up screaming, grateful only that it wasn't picked up for UK distribution. A bafflingly edited, atrociously scripted lobotomised version of The Master, it featured traumatised war veteran Benicio Del Toro droning on about his dreams (featuring three-inch labias and middle-ear pus) to Mathieu Amalric's Froggie anthropologist.
Of course it's not just Cannes that plays host to one-star shockers. Grace's closest relative (excepting Naomi Watts's Diana), is probably W.E., Madonna's jaw-dropping Wallis Simpson biopic, which premiered at Venice three years ago. Here's a visibly traumatised Xan Brooks, fresh out of the screening.